Adult attachment working models and relationship quality in dating couples Chatrandom married couples
Not only do they overcome the emotional damage and the shattered trust resulting from the infidelity, but they rebuild their LTLR so that it is much stronger and healthier than it was pre-infidelity.
In so doing, they become closer, more intimate, and more fulfilled in ways they never were before in their relationship.
Attachment is a special emotional relationship that involves an exchange of comfort, care, and pleasure.
The roots of research on attachment began with Freud's theories about love, but another researcher is usually credited as the father of attachment theory.
"Mom," she said hesitantly, "I really appreciate your feelings, but, in all honesty, how can you say you love someone you've never met?
At the end of the conversation, her mother said, "Darling, I want you to know we love you, and we love David." Susan was a bit dubious.
However, many couples, often to their own surprise, do come in for therapy in response to this deepest betrayal in the relationship.
Perhaps even more surprisingly, in our practices we have found that many of these couples do indeed heal their Long-Term Love Relationship (LTLR) from the ravages of infidelity.
Erich Fromm, in his famous treatise "The Art of Loving," noted the sad consequence of this misconception: "There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started with such tremendous hopes and expectations, and yet, which fails so regularly, as love." (That was back in 1956 ― chances are he'd be even more pessimistic today.) So what is love ― real, lasting love? What we value most in ourselves, we value most in others.
Secondly, he believed that this confidence is forged during a critical period of development, during the years of infancy, childhood, and adolescence.
The expectations that are formed during that period tend to remain relatively unchanged for the rest of the person's life.
The experience we have with our caregivers and our early life experiences become the lens through which we view our self-worth and our capacity to be empathic, caring, and genuine.
As children, our parents are the "all powerful" center of our universe.